Today I am 7 months postpartum. Really, he is already 7 months?! This baby stage has seemed really long some days and to quick other days. I love seeing his little legs kick in times of joy, hear him say mama in the wee hours of the night and see that spark in his eyes when his Daddy walks into his line of sight. It’s amazing being his mom. We have had some difficult times these last few months but this kid has the happiest attitude. He shows me how we can overcome any hard day, week or month with slobber kisses, baby hugs, and chuckles.
I haven’t worked out since my son turned 4 months old which was 3 months ago. When all of his digestive issues sprung up, they really put a damper on my exercise routine. I have spent countless hours documenting his diet and symptoms and spent all my free time researching how to help him. It left little time for myself and the time I did carve out I spent sleeping or catching some TV…non cartoon related, score! The poor kid is going to have a memory book alright. He will be able to see everything that made up his breastmilk cocktail, read about his poop habits and anything else. Talk about detail! He still has yet to sleep throughout the night and if I don’t limit myself to one coffee in the morning, we both pay for that at his bedtime. So working out has been the last thing on my list. I am not consuming anywhere near the amount of calories I need on a daily basis just to breastfeed much less support an exercise routine. Over these last few months I have learned SO much about food and nutrition. With each allergic symptom I found myself doing days of crash courses on foods, ingredients, etc and learned so much. This son of mine has taught me a lot. Not just about food but about strength, mental focus and self determination.
It’s been great to only consume whole foods and minimal ingredient foods for the sake of dropping baby weight and having natural energy. Proof you can lose weight with food choices and no exercise!!
However, it got to the point of me making my own bread, milk, crackers and consuming the same handful of safe foods which has become to much for me to continue doing for many reasons. I don’t like how thin I am and yes I have heard plenty of comments about my weight. It’s always okay to tell the super thin person they need to eat but don’t you dare tell a fat person they need to put down the hamburger. These last few months I have focused so much on food that it has driven me crazy. Trying to figure out what food or foods cause reactions in my son was consuming so much of my time, energy and I kept losing weight along the way. We saw an awesome allergist last week and after that appointment I got to thinking about so many things. As a mom I rarely make time for myself. I know I need the time but its easier said than done! My kids need me and I am happy to give them anything they need and all the time I can give them. However with my elimination diet, lack of sleep and being mentally consumed by trying to figure out my sons issues I realized it was probably time to try some formula and take the allergist advice to try to introduce dairy in my diet again slowly and see how he tolerates it. I owe it to my son to give him the nutrition he needs but I also owe it to my daughter to be a healthy mom for her sake. It’s sad to admit that I was only focused on my sons health and no one else over the last few months. I was giving everything to my son and making lots of sacrifices for his sake but what was I giving to my daughter? This question prompted my turning point to change things.
I am competitive and it has driven me nuts trying to figure out this food mystery with my son. I hate to just give up but I know for everyone that deserves my time, I can’t continue the way I have. I JUST realized last week that I am not healthy. I am not. My diet has holes and the scale numbers are to low for my liking. I also got to thinking about my metabolism and how the longer I continue to do this elimination diet, the more likely it is that I damage my metabolism. 6 weeks ago I had kidney stones and I have to wonder if my wild diet has played a part in that.
So, we are trying out some formula. I am putting foods back in my diet slowly and I stopped logging my foods and obsessing about food. I chopped off my hair. I cleaned out my closet and I’m going to try to start blogging again. Hello new me.